Ayla Marie Sansone

So we found out we are having a girl :) It makes me smile- I'm sooo excited and Gus is so thrilled too. He thought he wanted a boy, but by time he got home from the hospital, he's calling her "Daddy's Little Girl" and saying he "Already loves her so much" and he just doesn't stop talking about her. We are both so excited, but nervous too...

Yesterday after looking at the ultrasound for about an hour and a half, looking for every problem that could arise in a developing baby, the Dr came in and said that we have high levels of AFP which is a protein that is supposed to be there, but ours is so high that it says there is a problem. Usually that high level of protein means Spinal Bifida which is when the baby's spine does not close all the way to the brain and can cause physical and mental problems. After looking closely, they said they see no problem with Spinal Bifida so far. But the high protein level can also mean other neurological problems, however, they can't pin-point them right now.

My regular OBGYN (Dr. McDaniel) blames the high protein level on my demised twin (who is still in there, just very small). Which if you read any website on this High AFP level, they all say it could be from a twin or a demised twin. However the Dr at St. Lukes hospital disagrees and says she doesn't believe the levels are from the demised twin. She thinks something may be wrong with the placenta attached to the baby. They cannot see problems with the placenta so we just have to wait for something to go wrong with my baby such as growth slowing down or seeing a physical trait of some neurological problem. So that Dr tells me not to worry now and wait til next month to see if we can see whats wrong in another ultrasound. Don't worry now? Excuse me?
That's impossible. She busted my good news with this CRAP of "We don't know what's wrong, but we believe something is." While my doctor who will be delivering my baby is saying, "No, I don't think anything is wrong and I'm not worried." Who the hell do I listen to!?

I was up all night last night from 1am to 4am researching online and reading other women's stories on babycenter.com about the same AFP levels. Most of them are in my situation (a waiting game) but a lot of them responded saying that their baby was born and everything was fine. So I try to stay hopeful that this high protein level is in fact from my demised twin (Baby B) and not a problem with my baby girl.

Nobody ever told me that pregnancy is so stressful and scary. Nothing about this is very fun when all your good news is followed by bad.

**Oh yeah, and no wonder my stomach is getting so big. This time that ultrasound lady was all over my damn stomach looking at the baby! And just last night I felt a "thump" on the lower part of my belly immediately followed by a "thump" on the far left side. I'm like, wow! She's all over the place!
I can't wait to feel it from the outside.